My mother died in early 2012. I wrote some things during that time. This is where they live.
Being articulate, pushy, and in LS8 can open a lot of doors, and apparently get you to the top of the waiting list for an electric bed - it will be delivered tomorrow afternoon. But what the social services giveth, brain cancer squats on. Mum took a bit of a dive today, around 5:15pm. She had been snoozing, and she woke up upset and confused with a headache and feeling nauseous.
The lymph node is malignant. This doesn’t come as a surprise, and it is good to have answered the question. Julia, a community care person from St Gemma’s Hospice, was able to pull the results and also gave me the name of the oncologist to whom mum’s case has been referred. I called the doctor’s secretary and left a message. It was late Friday afternoon, so no response until Monday I expect.
It’s been a week I guess, and I haven’t written anything down. The details seem so incremental and banal, and it munges together in my mind. Also, I’m now working, around my sister’s schedule, so time is short. But I don’t want to drop this effort to keep track of things, because it’s useful. Some things then: On Monday, we took mum down to St James’ Bexley Wing, the new oncology building.
I’m having a tough time keeping track of everything. So many conversations, so many phone calls. And sometimes the things I’ve been saying over and over to different people and writing down here start repeating on me, coming back to me as if I heard them from someone else. I touched on The Return yesterday. As we prepared to leave the hospital we learned a valuable lesson that’s worth passing on.
My kids made cards for me to bring for mum. They’re all wonderful, and capture each of their personalities beautifully. Alice is the most empathic person I’ve ever met, so I thought this was worth reproducing. It’s the note inside the card she made. To: Grandma Hazel From: ALICE/one of your grandchildren :D I’ve really missed you in the 2 years that I’ve been back in Toronto. I really with I could be in Britain for Christmas and New Years but sadly we are running low on money and we cannot afford for all 5 of us to go, but on the brighter side: At least dad is coming (he’s missed you a lot too).